This Is My Story
Verda ZORLUYAN
This is the story of my relentless superhuman struggle that lasted for six years. Before sharing it with you, I ask that you put yourself in my shoes and think about what you would have done. I can hear many of you thinking, “I could not have done so much,” or with greater determination, “I would never give up my struggle.”
My life is changing…
Everything started in November 1996! How could I know that my life would undergo such a change just three days after my birthday? I had been working for 13 years for a private company as an executive assistant. My job was pretty stressful, with long working hours. I was married for three years at the time and my husband and I weren’t thinking about having a baby yet.
During an ordinary lunch break, I was overcome with a sudden pain. It was unbearable and spread from my groin to my entire body; I couldn’t breathe for a short period of time. I could not understand what was going on; all I knew was that there was something wrong. I almost had to crawl to my desk. I could neither speak nor breathe easily. When painkillers didn’t help, I scheduled an appointment with my gynecologist for the following day.
A shocking report!
I had my last gynecological examination before I got married. Three years had gone by since then and now I was in front of my gynecologist. After the examination, my gynecologist told me that she had a suspicion but she needed to be sure. The same evening, she referred me to a private clinic for a detailed ultrasound. When I told the radiologist about the unpleasant incident from the previous day, she said to me, “How have you been able to live with so many cysts? It is not a surprise that you were unable to breathe!”
The first operation
Once I got my medical report, I immediately ran to my gynecologist the following day. With a sad face she said, “Unfortunately, a great number of endometriotic focuses, also known as chocolate cysts, have formed around your uterus and ovaries. In this case, it seems impossible for you to have a baby and I recommend that you have surgery immediately.”I was taken to the operating room within two days and 20 cysts were removed.After the surgery, I was told that I could now get pregnant naturally but that I had to go into transient menopause for 6 months.I followed this advice since I had no time to lose I had a really hard time throughout the transient menopause. At the end of this period, my tubes were checked for any blockages.The results upset both my family and I deeply, of course. My tubes were blocked, and unfortunately, I could not have a baby naturally.
The third disappointment and second operation!!!
My husband and I got over this grief at once. We knew that we should not waste our time being sad but should think carefully and take appropriate action. We started our battle (I prefer defining our struggle with this word) and applied to the IVF Center of a five-star hospital near our home for the first attempt.
Following the examinations and tests, I was told that cystic formations still existed and that they had to be removed by a laparoscopic intervention. Otherwise, the risk of miscarriage would be high even if pregnancy were achieved through IVF. I had changed my doctor and was consulting with experts in this field. Everything they said was very important to me.
I did not hesitate to undergo a second operation. The operation went well and all the cysts and adherences were removed. The doctor told me that I had a high chance of getting pregnant naturally within the first six months following the operation. Unfortunately, seven months elapsed and I still did not achieve a positive result. We did not want to lose more time because there was a risk of recurrence of the endometriosis.
The first IVF attempt
In April 1997, we went to the hospital for our first IVF attempt Because of my history of endometriosis, I had to take a large dose of medication. I produced 9 eggs.Unfortunately we did not get pregnant, despite waiting for it with such excitement and happiness; it was a great disappointment.
We did not despair and applied for the second IVF attempt without delay.
The second attempt and the third operation
Almost three months had passed since the first attempt and I did not want to lose time, so we immediately applied to the same IVF center for the second attempt. I produced 11 eggs this time, 6 of which were fertilized and 4 of which were transferred. We waited excitedly for 13 days for the results. Those who have been through the same process know very well that this time weighs heavily on you; it is full of excitement and your heart palpitates ceaselessly as you’re praying to not receive bad news.
Finally, the day and time arrived to get the resultIt was POSITIVE.I was pregnant and I was about to reap the rewards of two years of hard work.My happiness was indescribable. I clearly remember hugging my doctor and thanking him many times.The doctor, however, warned me that the first three months are risky and I should not be too overjoyed. During the second examination, our fears came true and when I was diagnosed with an ectopic pregnancy the joy yielded to disappointment once more.
My doctor told me that I would have a high risk of ectopic pregnancy in my subsequent attempts because of my history of endometriosis, and he also informed me that my tubes must be removed because they might get blocked again.In addition to this awful experience, the mention of a third operation upset me deeply.This was a serious surgery and I had to make the right decision.I would not be able to get pregnant naturally once my tubes were removed. My only choice would be either IVF or microinjection, which would also be expensive and add a great financial burden on our shoulders.
Upon a joint decision with my husband, I underwent a third operation.
Six attempts ended in disappointment
A short while after the third operation, we went to the same IVF center once more for our third IVF attempt. The result was once again disappointment. After relentless trials and after spending my entire salary, I soon came to the sixth attempt.Whenever I asked my doctor “WHY?”, the answer was, “You don’t produce high-quality eggs, so your chance of pregnancy is very low.”I was not satisfied with this answer.I got more and more demoralized, constantly striving to get a result but with each attempt ending in disappointment.I felt like I was nearing the end.How much longer could I try?
One evening my husband said to me, “We tried six times and didn’t succeed. Isn’t it time we accepted reality?” I realized that I wasn’t going to give up. Since I couldn’t get a result at this center, I would continue my battle with another one.
It was very important for me to have the support of my family. They didn’t want me to exhaust myself.
The seventh attempt
I was now at a new center for my seventh attempt.With the belief that a “change of threshold brings good luck,” I started all over again. My treatment went very well and 12 eggs were picked up, with 4 of them being transferred.This was the most successful attempt so far. We were very hopeful.My doctor informed me that I had a 40 percent chance of getting pregnant. This was a much higher percentage than that of the other centers.I was constantly praying to God that the embryos would cling.
The 13-day waiting period seemed to drag on and on.I did not want to hear again, “Sorry, it’s negative.”I was deeply afraid. What would I do if they said it failed? I knocked on the door of the IVF center, my heart beating wildly.I did not have the courage to look anybody in the face; I was nervous and trembling like a leaf. My doctor took me in and gave the same heartbreaking answer for the seventh time: “The result is NEGATIVE.”I could not utter a single word; I just vaguely remember having said, “How?” My doctor responded, I wish I could have found something to show you as a cause.But there is no reason why you didn’t get pregnant,”
Why, why, why???
I had to live for a long time with this question weighing constantly on my mind. I would never be able to get an answer. We were doing our best but could never achieve the desired result. I had not any health problem any more not to get pregnant. Every effort should have been compensated. For the first time in my life, I could not get the result I wanted no matter how hard I tried. However, this did not deter me; it only whipped me up further. I never got frustrated. I was like an Amazonian; I was made more determined by each failure. I was constantly saying to myself, “This will happen, be patient!” Of course, I was also very lucky to have the endless support of my husband and family. But being patient was not always so easy.
We decided to try our chances at another center. My detailed research led me to Prof. Dr. Mustafa Bahçeci, who was known for getting successful results with even the most difficult patients.
“You shouldn’t have stress in your life!”
This time, I applied to the Bahçeci Clinic and left myself in the hands of Prof. Dr. Mustafa Bahçeci, obstetrician and gynecologist. Tenacity was now yielding to exhaustion. Following the examination and tests, Dr. Bahçeci said, “You shouldn’t have stress in your life; I do not see any other reason why you cannot get pregnant. You should leave anything stressful out of your life!” So I resigned from my job after having worked as an executive assistant for 13 years. This was a radical decision. I made such a decision so that I would not feel regret when I looked back in the future. You can find a job anytime but you can not gain back your best years to have a baby. I set out with this thought in my mind…
The eighth attempt and the resting period
Just a short while after my resignation, I traveled to the Alman Hastanesi for the eighth attempt. I obtained information on the Bahçeci Clinic on my computer at home. When I read that infertile couples who were unsuccessful at other centers obtained successful results at the Bahçeci Clinic, I felt a glimmer of hope. I thought to myself, “Why shouldn’t it happen this time?” – I was with a new clinic and a new team. Meanwhile, I contacted psychologist Yasemin Abız, who was also involved in the treatment and with whom I am happy to be of acquaintance. She helped me see things from different angles, and most importantly, rid myself of the question, “WHY?”, which I had been asking myself relentlessly. “We cannot control everything in our lives; sometimes we can’t get what we want, no matter how hard we try. This is not your fault,” she said, making me feel better. I was trying my hardest to have a baby; the rest was up to the will of God. I made the eighth attempt with an endless faith and hope.
As luck would have it, I was sick in bed with high fever right in the middle of treatment. The fever could not be reduced. When I contacted my doctor, he told me that the fever must be reduced or they might have to interrupt the treatment. Since this was an extremely costly treatment, I prayed to God to not interrupt the treatment and waste the medications I had taken. The fewer was reduced only after two days. I could not produce many eggs and only three embryos were transferred. I was constantly saying to myself, “Don’t be sorry, it may be a single embryo but of high quality.” I waited for the results with trepidation throughout those 13 days. The result was NEGATIVE and the doctor told me that we would not give up.
I was exhausted but within this fatigue I needed to rest and think calmly. It was time for me to make a decision. Unfortunately, I could not keep trying for the rest of my life. We were also exhausted financially and I had to stop at some point. While I was thinking this, the same inner voice was echoing, “We are almost finished, be patient!” With such thoughts, I retreated to our summerhouse.
I decided to make some changes in my life. I was extremely cautious about my diet. I followed a vegetable-rich diet, exercised constantly, swam, listened to classical music and slept.
Almost six months had passed. I was now feeling better both physically and mentally. Then, my husband and I decided to try once again!!! We made one more decision: This would be our final attempt and if we could not succeed, we would make a clean break and never feel remorse. Hoping for the best, we went to Prof. Dr. Bahçeci for our ninth attempt.
The ninth attempt and the happy ending!
I should admit that when I started the treatment for the ninth time, I was full of hope but weary as well. I thought, ”It’s not going to be successful again.” I was going to my doctor for regular check-ups. I produced 6 eggs. Only four of them were fertilized and two survived until the transfer day. Those two embryos were transferred and the 13-day countdown began.
The day on which we would obtain the result, I could barely wait with the group of people at the center. It was really crowded and the people seemed to be on top of me. We waited for the result in the lobby of the hospital, fearing that the results would be negative and feeling uneasy about this being the end. Just 15 minutes later, I saw embryologist Serap approaching me with a smile on her face. Somehow, I did not register this happy smile . As she neared me, I felt my heart beating in my mouth. “Congratulations, Verda, you are PREGNANT and the result was very high,” she said. I will never forget this moment until the day I die. We hugged each other and started to cry! I could not believe it. I clearly remember constantly asking, “There is not a mistake, is there?” Serap talked to me with great patience, saying, “No, everything is okay but overexcitement will not be good for you, please calm down!” I could not believe it, they were telling me to calm down. For a tiny baby! They were treating me as a PREGNANT woman. Oh God, was that a dream or reality? Everybody seemed to line up to congratulate me… It was like a dream… My doctor was in the clinic, so he called and congratulated me; then psychologist Yasemin Abız and I cried and cried and then the whole team… Oh God, I succeeded this time! What a great happiness this was; I was walking on air!
I had a great time throughout the nine months; my nerves seemed to disappear! I laughed at everything I went through a very easy and smooth pregnancy. God seemed to be telling me, “You suffered so much, I am bestowing nine months of comfort on you.”
In August 2002, at 33 years old, I held my son in my arms with indescribable feelings. I received the fruits of my relentless six-year struggle. I felt as if I were the happiest mother in the world. After so much suffering I told myself, “Luckily, you did not give up.” Actually, this happiness was worth everything.
I would like to address all infertility patients who have devoted their lives to having a baby:You should never consider infertility a personal failure but a treatable health problem. You must confront this problem and accept it as it is. You start from scratch again and again but you become more determined than ever in your struggle. There is nothing you cannot overcome with belief, perseverance, hope and patience. You are the authors of your own destinies!
Best wishes…
