This high-quality egg is my son, Bora!
Nurcan Kiragi, psychologist – April 2008
My name is Nurcan Kiragi. I am a psychologist. I have been married for ten years. I have a son who is now eighteen months old. I own the He-Ce nursery school in Bahçesehir.
I was treated for infertility for seven years. Now I am writing my experiences down here to share them with you. I know that this issue is still taboo and cannot be talked about as freely as other diseases are. I am a voluntary speaker. I talked about these things even in the past. I was telling people how many eggs I had or whether they were fertilized. Everybody knew whether or not my eggs adhered. I still continue to tell and share my experience. I also did a lot of research. I strived to get more information on this issue to learn what exactly IVF is.
I was 30 years old when I got married in 1998. I have to mention my age because it is a very important factor. We were examined for the first time in 1999. We made our first IVF attempt in 2000. It failed!
The reason declared by the hospital: Your body is secreting an insufficient amount of inhibin hormone, which means your egg reserve is diminishing. This is leading to premature menopause. I was upset and devastated; everybody was blaming me and I was angry at the hospital – in fact, I still do not go to that hospital – and I felt useless. I cried whenever I saw a baby on TV. This was my most bitter experience because I was inexperienced and ignorant at the time. The hospital team treated us coldly; we were put to the side as if we were some defective samples of a mass-produced product. I had injections day and night. I went to the hospital to receive them every day, thinking it would be safer. This meant that I had to come face to face with people looking at me full of suspicion and worry, not to mention the severe pain. I soon realized this was the wrong decision.
After all, medicine had progressed over the years and future mothers were now able to do the injections themselves easily. Meanwhile, I made a number of insemination attempts, of which I do not remember the exact number. All failed. I also underwent a laparoscopic operation for a cyst that was found in my ovaries.
I met the Bahçeci team after all these unfortunate incidents…
First of all, when I arrived at Bahçeci I was now well equipped with knowledge thanks to four years of bitter experience. I was well informed of my physiology. I knew everything in detail… all the medications, their effects, how they were used, how my body would respond, etc. Second, I learned that you should not trust everybody; in short, I was distrustful. Third, I was reactive. If somebody told me something, I would immediately respond with a bed temper. The Bahçeci team neither promised me hope nor drove me to despair.
My condition was what it was. They asked me to accept it as it was. The communication between us was direct and clear. Nobody was blamed. Quite simply, our priorities and goals were the same. They just promised, “We will do our best.”My natural cycle had to be monitored because my body was not responding to hormone injections and I was suffering. I had the injection at fixed hours. This treatment method required a lot of time and monitoring. My doctor said, “I will monitor it.” So I accepted to go to the clinic regularly for hormone injections. I was going on the tenth day after my period and we were monitoring the egg. My egg sometimes had matured and sometimes had not. It sometimes hatched and sometimes did not… Etc., etc.
In 2004 I finally got pregnant. We were very happy. Unfortunately, we decided to terminate the pregnancy in its twelfth week. The baby had Edward’s Syndrome. It would have been born with a defective cardiovascular system and would have lived one year at most. This was a hard decision. To the same delivery room where everybody gave birth to their babies and held them in their arms, I went for an abortion. On the day my mother gave birth to me, her first daughter, I left my first baby, my daughter, in the hospital laboratory.
I found out the hard way that there was a difference between wanting something too badly and wishing for the best. Life went on. It should have gone on…
I accepted that I was going to be a childless woman…
After this incident, I decided to fill the emotional gap by working. I took a different turn on my career path. However, I was cross neither with life nor with my surroundings. On the contrary, I went on vacation with friends who have children. I continued to love children. I recommended the Bahçeci team to a neighbor of mine. She got pregnant and I spent time with her and talked.
There was just one thing I gave up: I no more visited doctors!
I took over the nursery school and concentrated on my job, on working hard. I got my period twice within a ten-day interval so I went to my gynecologist to see if there was something wrong. I will never forget what the doctor said during the examination: “Nurcan, I see two high-quality eggs; I think we should monitor them.”
I had nothing to lose, so I accepted.
The eyes of Dr. Süleyman…
Yes, Dr. Süleyman said it at first glance. One of those high-quality eggs is now my son, Bora.
The morning that we went to provide the eggs it was snowing. We entered the highway with a snow plow driving in front of us. “We could have slept comfortably, this is a waste of time,” I said to my husband. “Let’s do our best, the rest is up to the will of God,” he answered. If he hadn’t felt that way I would have already given up.
For three months I could not accept that I was pregnant. My doctor asked me,” Don’t you believe the ultrasound pictures that you’re holding?” My husband could accept it when the due date was very near but, unlike the movies, we never jumped for joy or screamed, “Hurrah, I am pregnant!” I had a premature labor, a month before the due date. I went to the hospital for a follow-up examination but I was taken to the delivery room. I started to cry while I was going to the delivery room and I cried non-stop for 40 days.
During those long years of treatment, people around me selflessly offered me their own eggs. Although I seriously considered it, I decided that I did not want such a thing. I wanted a baby whose eyes would look like mine. I thought that, if it were somebody else’s egg, it would look like somebody else.
Now, my son is looking like me – or at least, I think he is.
If you are remediless, you are the remedy,
If you are hopeless, you are the hope!
People like me will understand you.
The Bahçeci team will treat you.
However, the only person who can help you is yourself…
GOD SPEED!
